I'll take a bologna sandwich please

Suppose your were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

The first thing I ever remember writing was, a poem about Republican Pilgrims and something about the color of the flag.  It was during the big Republican wave of the Reagen era.  Very cutting edge stuff.  I really don't remember why I chose this particular topic.  But people thought that it was just so cute, that a 8 yr old kid was writing about politics. 

I ended up winning a few awards for my partisan writing.  I received a little bit of money, to put in my Osh Kosh pockets; and my political writing career was off to an exhilarating start.  Problem was... I never wrote about politics again... Ever... Until TODAY that is!!!! Thank You. Thank You.  *takes bow*.  I write satire.  Not Politics.  Politics are Bologna.  So are most of the people that talk about politics.  I know this, but I love listening to people talk about manipulated information.  I just love listening to the way people deliver different wrong ideas.  You can sell me anything and if you are a good enough orator than I'll momentarily believe you. 
A couple years ago I had the opportunity to do a little bit of fighting in Iraq.  So I have a pretty good idea what's going on over there in tat dessert.  It's amazing, I listen to people tell me what's going on in Iraq at least once a week.  These people have no clue whats happening in that country.  They do so enjoy listening to themselves talk though.  They can't possibly understand what is happening on a day to day routine over there.   I don't mention much about it for a couple of different reasons.  Honestly, when I was there it really seemed like we were helping.  The villagers loved having us around.  The kids adored us.  We basically made sure people had medical care, homes and warm food.  All while keeping lookout for the bad guy's that would basically stop at nothing to kill us.  Not because of religious reasons, they were just basically common criminals.  Rich terrorists were paying anybody to kill us.  Since they had no jobs, it was a pretty decent way for them to feed their family's (almost honorable right?  Strap a bomb to yourself, get your six kids fed for the rest of their lives.  Yeah that's the problem).  I don't really talk about it because I'm not their anymore.  It has probably changed so much since I left.  Sure I know more than most people.  Even by military standards.  I was a top level Intelligence Analyst.  I had all kinds of information that's obsolete now.  I still don't talk about politics because If I'm not studying it all day every day like some people are.  Then I probably don't know what I'm talking about.  I was a approached by a communist the other day at a bar.  I was drunk.  He was kind of an idiot but he had some rather interesting ideas on the fight oversees.  Except for the one where I was murdering kids the whole time I was in Iraq.  I let it all slide because I'm a happy drunk, but some of his commie thoughts weren't as horrible as I was lead to believe.  The kid could twist a tale, and he new his stuff.  That's why I think Obama is such a great President.  He is a great speaker.  It's one of the most important traits to have if you want to lead a country.  I'm a moderate now.  As far as I understand that means:  I don't have to choose any side on any idea.  Times change, opinions change, I change, and my political party can be anything I want it to be.  I think it's crazy to be like "every single thing that Barack Obama does is exactly what I want in a president".  Then I would be brainwashed.  If I were to say "every single thing that George Bush Jr did was so stupid". I would be brainwashed. 
Again, I have no clue why I wrote this story when I was a kid. I was not overtly interested in politics as a child. I remember listening to a lot of my older brothers punk rock albums, and always hearing stuff like "screw the government" and not knowing what the word "government" even meant. So there was no logical reason for me to be some little republican.  It was like people who root for the Dallas Cowboy's or the Miami Heat … strictly an exercise in front running. The issues didn't matter, because I was too young to grasp them. All I knew was that everyone seemed to like my poem about the political climate in America, and so I did too. Turns out actual politics aren't all that more complicated.

As I grew up a little bit and became a little bit more politically aware, turning sharply liberal as a result of watching MTV's "Choose or Lose" coverage, which was basically a liberal FOX News, for Captain Crunch eating suburban white kids who thought it was hip to listen to Public Enemy and thought Downtown Julie Brown was smoking hot.  She was... I allowed the network to brainwash me with their progressive opinions because I was a teenager and was waiting for Cindy Crawford's "House of Style" to start immediately afterwards.

I have political opinions now, but frankly I'm not all that confident in them. I feel like my political ideals are more the result of random sociological engineering than they are any kind of inherent values I possess. You see people who are wildly political all the time and it's somewhat absurd because their identities are so wrapped up in their political ideas, as if this was the only possible way they could have turned out. As if they had seen everything and knew everything and this opinion they hold is the only possible conclusion they could ever come to.  But that's not true, of course. We're all influenced one way or the other as we go along, perhaps more than we'd care to admit. Sometimes I'll read something political and I can feel myself being dragged into believing something I'm not remotely experienced enough to have a real opinion on. And yet it's so easy to want to make it my own, to buy into it and say I'm for this and against that. I go out and I tell somebody my new great political stance.  This person (usually my brother) in turn shoots it down explains why it's a bad idea.  How it is hurting people and I'm right back to square one.  It's all bullshit.  Call me flip floppy but that's just the way you have to be in today's everchanging climate.  Anybody else that won't change their stance is just blockheaded.  So I look back at writing a political poem in third grade and I think to myself: "Hey, that's kinda funny. But it's also kinda messed up and lame all at once." I have the self-awareness now to know nothing about my political beliefs then were the product of my own independent thinking. And they probably still aren't. Judging by the stuff you see people spew every day, I wouldn't be alone.
I get all the information I need from Jon Stewart, Southpark and Family Guy.  That's just fine with me. 

Sincerely
Trevor Sheaffer